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Tuesday, February 10, 2015

January Movie Reviews

January 2015

Dead Snow 2 : Red Vs. Dead

rated R 1 1/2 to 2 hours
To start there were a few moments (one off the bat) that made me saw Ewwww and yell at the guy Don't you see the dude his mouth looks like someone tried to smash it off , looks like he can't be resuscitated did your nasty self really have to try CPR? I know your face is going to pay for that.  Oh surprise this one is in English!  Well there's a malpractice suit right there. Couldn't the doctor tell that wasn't the right arm? Oh well  what do we learn in this? Zombies (well cursed ones) can be resourceful. I'll just mention that this is at the Bus station. So Herzog and his men weren't just cursed for that gold in the first, there is a mission they seem to have to finish. Martin (the remaining survivor from first movie.) has to defeat General Herzog and his zombARMi, how wll he do this? He has to make his own, the clue is in the 1st word of this line. I think this was made just to make more money. The original had suspense, it was great and I love watching it. This one is pretty much camp & just went for more gore. Now I love gore, but just in the right way.  I did like the bit about 'This isn't in any of the zombie movies; you created a whole new genre man" (this coming from the 'Zombie Squad' geek. Loved the Zombie triage scene. The movie isn't really fun a ha or hee but not laughing funny.  Ewww ok the last 2-3 minutes of the movie is quite nauseating in a good and bad way...  D


2011  Rated R 1 hour & 37 minutes   starring Jason Statham with an appearance by Luke Evans some delinquents try stripping a car and Statham  teaches them a lesson  which seems to lead to cop killings. All I can say is its a typical Statham Film C-

The Guest-

2014 R 1 hour & 39 minutes  in Short & to the point.. Predictable. I figured the person was either not who he said he was, or didn't know who he said he did or some flip twist. I will say however damn the man is quick with the blocks etc. Don't Blink! It had its good points (what action there was) and bad. D-

As Above So Below -

Found footage format (or flash back) something about Nicolas Flammel (Harry potter fans will remember hearing the name from the first book) and the ROsetta Stone. This takes place in the catacombs of Paris. Odd things happen like being 'turned around' in a claustrophobic tunnel, the phone ringing & pretty much I think quite a few things they showed in the trailers. I wasn't putting anything on this actually being a good movie but I thought if anything an adventure film.  I would liken it to the Goonies w/ a Horror twist (just trade the pirate ship for a haunted tunnel. However in the first 53 minutes I haven't seen much horror. A mix of a mystical Menagerie from assorted cultures and times throughout the tunnels for clues (as to what 'treasure' if it wasn't the rosetta stone... I don't remember) In the 2nd hour the horror begins  A few moments that may make you jump (one did to me, or it could have been the volume)
'Stone face' well saw that coming Would have been better advertised as an adventure thriller thjen horror. The final Verdict?
These idiots who are supposed to be archeologists and those who go in the catacombs I noticed did not have (as far as I heard or saw)  No First aid kit, not everyone wore boots and that's just 2 things. I'm not archeologist, or whatever you want to call 'combing' catacombs but I do know when you do crap like that those as well as head lamps & extras batteries should be with you!
As a Horror movie  (nothing different with the found footage & mostly predictable as well)    D
As an adventure thriller   C


Based on actual events stars Justin Long as a podcast DJ (Journalist? not sure what to call those people) who travels to Canada for a story which is D.O.A. and now he needs to find a new story.
I have to say it.. he looks awful with that mustache, and was that Haley Joe Osmet as his sidekick?
AS someone who has traveled to Canada 4x (well Toronto anyway)  I find parts of this somewhat insulting (& I'm not even Canadian)  but some equally funny (There's one set on a porch that the wood looks like plastic! It might be a trex or correct deck type product but still looks awful!) Well at least its not sickening like the Human Centipede. THough Kevin Smith is one sick puppy! I guess this is from a podcast of his 'Smodcast' no idea. I just know Clerks, Dogma, Jay & Silent Bob & Comic Book Men. I'm not sure what to make of this movie but aside from that horrible Human Centipede I think I'll give this one a B


2014 Nordic Film
I love all that is Norse myth & Viking so  I was hoping this wasn't going to be like that Gods awful insulting movie Dominick Prucell was in. I won't go into it, I was boycotting it but only saw it as it was on syfy or chiller. I forget the name of the movie so you can stay away from it as it was so bad all around I bascially wanted to kill my tv & get rid f cable it was such a bad movie... (I nearly had to watch both sharknado's again THAT was at least better than the awful one I'm talking about!) Oh Sorry about the babble..
Sigurd an archeologist finds a link between the Osenberg Viking Burial site and Ragnarok. The mast heads  of the long ships may have been that of a  real creature. At least that is the theory they come to in this movie, which many consider to be a dragon, ut I always thought of it being Jormungard the Midgard Serpent, which may also be known as an Ooroborus.
The party finds  something other than was expected. The kids have one hell of an adventure to tell their classmates when school starts again. 'Scary' but better than spain! (Ok I don't remember why I noted that now)  Well with this maybe 'nessie in Scotland is the true Midgard serpent of course if nessie isn't a hoax which I hope she's not. C+

Tamara Drewe

Comedy   Rated R 2010 1 hr 51 minutes Stars Gemma Arterton, Luke Evans, & Dominic Cooper Directed by Stephen Frears
A Journalist goes back to her tiny hometown after getting plastic surgery and a wardrobe makeover (Oh Hello Opening Scene, Luke Evans just made me feel better and woke me up)  She toys with people and breaks hearts. It's based on err.. adapted from the comic strip by Posey Simmonds. (Which I'm guess from U.K.)
Worthy at least of a C

When the Game Stands Tall

PG  1 hr 55 minutes *s Jim Caveizel, ALexander Ludwig  2014
The Dela Salle Spartans  have a 151 -0 Win streak, will they come to know  what a loss feel like?
It's definitely no Friday Night Lights (by that I mean the underrated Tv Series not the movie)
There's really not much to write about typical Sports story & cliches  C


Earth to Echo

Shameless promo for the GoPro camera Think Goonies in a way (& more so than I mentioned about As above so below) here they are on Bikes, and go on a journey (or scavenger hunt pretty literally) to help 'Echo' the robot the parts it needs for it's ship.
Love the little robot guy.. cute & why didn't they make toys of him? (Like better then Wall-E) At least happy meal toys!  bet my cat would have had some fun with it esp. if it hoovered!  Great for the whole Fam C+


* Chris Hemsworth  by Michael Mann
begins with a travel through the circuits of the computer as if  we were an executed  command. Hemsworth plays Hathaway a  hacker who when we meet is already in prison doing time and man what they go through just taking him out of his cell. Oh he's found with some cell phone and during the interrogation about it is the one time I remember we get a laugh at a wise ass joke (which I won't ruin for you) You have to love the character for the smart ass retort and get to the point answers besides his way or the highway negotiation skills.  The trailer made the movie like a good action thriller but there's not many thrills as the only one or 2 I got was when Thor traded his hammer for tables (WWE TLC anyone?) & chairs and  Hemsworth with no shirt on. Not enough action either and what little there was,  was not good. Sure they had a P.O.V. angel so you felt in the action when they were running but the movie was more Ho-hum lean back & relax than edge of your seat film making worth $10.50 FOR A MATINEE!!! Thank goodness I had the movie Voucher and was able to use it cause that means I still have my Money for the Avengers movie!  Do not see in theater! Best to rent in some form or wait for it to be on Cable movie channels C- (& after writing this, my copy of Entertainment Weekly came and I see they gave it the same!)

 Into the Storm

The CG is good (if it's all CG The coolest part to me was the firenado  near the church which was in the trailer)
There are parts that well Horror Movies don't scare me  but what they have of these made me nervous and freaked me out a bit. I didn't even like the 3.5 (or whatever it was) Earthquake we had here (Yonkers NY)  in the 80s! And is one of the reasons  I will likely never live anywhere other than the northeast Oh there's two nut-job redneck 'daredevils' in this obviously placed for comedic relief but they come off more idiotic. I think I heard the movie didn't do well with the box-office and or reviews  but the damn thing was intense and terrifying especially that last one. as for cinematography (be it some real shots from storm chasers etc) Was quite realistic looking (at least for me)  I Have to give that an A as for true storm chasers I think you are all bat shit crazy but a whole new level of respect (though 'ya'll' is still crazy!)  I think I was holding my breath   in some parts, and had a faster pulse. Screw the critics this was more thrilling and horrifying than most if not all of what I watched in a couple years.    A Why? Because I was terrified and I don't scare easily (p.s. prob. best watched via blu-ray)

The Maze runner

PG-13       2014     1 hour & 45 minutes  Wait Is that the Kid who played Peter Pan in Once upon a time? Funny that around 10 minute mark reminds me of the Once seen  with the bonfire and the lost boys as frankly all these ones in a sense are. Our main character 'greenie'  wakes in a cage elevator not remembering who he is and so on. We are all clueless but even though I have not read the books, I can see somewhat where this is going. Some of the guys are getting stung when they go in the maze  but there's no mention of by what and as soon as I finish writing that, i think we have an answer.  A metal sounding well cross between a spider (or Scorpion) with a bit of Orc mixed in. This was based on a book right? because it seems more like a video game, I enjoyed it until the end. The action and everything come to a halt so you are somewhat shell shocked as the kids which in a way is cool but now to me the series has lost momentum and the last 15 -30 minutes you just feel like slumping over like oh that yawn. B

Stonehearst Asylum

2014  PG-13  1 Hr. & 52 minutes  * Kate Beckensale, Ben Kingsley Brendan Gleeson Michael Caine Jim Sturgess
Based on an Edgar Allen Poe story, OMG it's our Coo-coo Clock!  &  "Make a happy miserable man out of a perfectly happy horse"   Kingsley's character's quote on curing one of the patients. No idea what Genre this is supposed to be not exactly horror But regardless don't bother. This sort has been done before, cliched & Predictable  

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